I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you

–Wicked, For Good

It’s hard to explain to non-fandom folks how strong a connection a shared fandom can be. Fandom can bring all kinds of people together for that shared love of a book/movie/tv show/artist. When fandom friends evolve into deeper friendships, those connections can last a lifetime.

Roux and I met through the NCIS fandom in 2006. We both wrote about our favorite characters and that formed our initial bond (writers/fans). As we got to know each other, told each other about our current lives and passions, that bond only grew. We hadn’t even met in person yet but we were as close as anyone I could name. We even started writing stories together and had so much fun with it. Our readers loved them too, and I still get notifications that someone liked one of the ones I posted online.

When we finally met in person on a weekend trip with one of her friends, it was amazing. She was just as funny, dynamic, a true force of friendship nature as she was online. One of my favorite memories of her was that weekend trip when we arrived in DC, tired and starving, and the closest restaurant we could decide on that was close enough was a steakhouse. The three of us rocked up to what we realized was a HIGH END chophouse on Capitol Hill in our shlubby road-trip clothes. The staff didn’t even bat an eye, and we sat down and had one of the best steaks I’d ever eaten. I still remember sharing the cold leftovers the next day before we embarked on our weekend museum crawl.

We shared each others’ highs and lows. She saw me through my father’s passing, I saw her through the nightmares of home renovation and uncertainty about the future after her move from Ohio to Virginia. All the while we were writing together, moving from NCIS to Teen Wolf and reveling in a whole new cast of characters to enjoy.

I visited her in Virginia, and that weekend changed my life. As she took me around to the touristy spots in Hampton Roads, the place felt so familiar. It reminded me so much of where I grew up that I mused on the way home that I could see myself living there one day. It only occurred to me when I got back to work that the company I worked for had their corporate office in downtown Norfolk. The idea of being closer to her, as well as encouragement from several fronts, led me to packing up and leaving my home state for a new chapter in Virginia Beach.

It was a hilarious irony that, less than a year after I arrived in Virginia, she got an amazing opportunity to get a job and go to grad school in Redlands, CA. Her family and friends gathered for a week in the Outer Banks to celebrate and congratulate, and then it was time. It hurt so much to say good-bye, but I cheered her on her cross-country journey with two cats, a packed-to-the-gills car, and her dreams.

Fandom/fanfiction was still one of our happiest shared passions. One of my other favorite memories of her is during another shift in fandom (AUs = Alternate Universes, usually taking characters from one fandom and putting them in new world/situations):

And that conversation, plus her sitting me down the following weekend to watch the pilot episode, was how we shifted from Teen Wolf to Hawaii Five-0. She encouraged every wild inspiration I had and cheered me on through NaNoWriMo Novembers. Even when our lives got busier, we kept chatting and writing together and cheering each other on. I was thrilled for her when she got her Masters. She was thrilled for me finding more local friends (she became my West Coast Bestie when I found a new East Coast Bestie) and buying my first home. I was thrilled for her finding her niche as a counselor for LGBTQ+ youth.

I was so happy for her when she found her partner and they joined their homes together. Seeing their engagement photos made me tear up. Her smile could be sly and sweet and wry, but that smile showed her joy. I started saving for the journey out west for her future wedding. I cheered on her growing activism and advocacy for the community she embraced.

I celebrated her being offered a job at the counseling center where she’d dreamed of working. We both gushed over how much we loved Heated Rivalry and couldn’t wait for season 2.

The news of her cancer shook that all to the core. It was sudden and shocking and progressed too far to think about anything more than management, but we all, even her doctors, proceeded with cautious hope, as the next months would be critical.

And on Sunday she was gone.

I’ll remember how she lived and loved so fiercely. I’ll remember how she changed so many lives. All she ever wanted was for people to live and love without fear or pain.

And I’ll remember that night in the steakhouse, and our weekends together, and the all-caps pitch to get me to dive into another fandom with her.

And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend

I’ll remember you with a smile soon. I just have to get through the tears.