Rudi (bless her) linked me to an amazing H50 McDanno fic, and it brought up a LOT of feelings and memories.

In the fic, Steve wants to show Danny the places that bring up good memories for him from his past. It’s happened in canon too, and I hadn’t thought about it when it showed up on the show. In reading the fic, however, it got me to thinking about my childhood and similar memories.

I really don’t have any that are tied to places, like Steve’s are. Sure, Dad took me places and we did things together, but outside of the requisite trips to Disney World, they were nearly always places that he wanted to go, and nearly always things that he wanted to do.

For example:

• Fishing – He loved fishing. He loved to take me fishing, but it wasn’t the bonding experience that you think of when you think of a father and child fishing together. There were no quiet conversations about what was going on in our lives, or really any attempt to talk if we weren’t with a guide. It was Dad fishing and him teaching me to fish, and me not doing well at it. He kept taking me, and we had some interesting trips together while bass fishing in Florida or steelhead fishing on Salmon River, but it was mostly getting up ungodly early, Dad fishing and chatting with our guide, and me not doing that well at it. Did I enjoy fishing when we caught things? I did. Would I ever go fishing again? Not on my own; it’s not all that fun for me.

• Softball – I never once expressed an interest, and barely knew how to play when Dad signed nine-year-old me up for little league. During the five years I played, he alternately coached and managed our team. I wasn’t good at it; no really, I played right field a LOT. I never felt close to anyone on the team (there were VERY close friend-groups on the team, and I was a shy kid that wasn’t one to try and break into them). I most definitely didn’t contribute to our team’s victories, but Dad loved it, and I guess that he thought I loved it too.  I liked that he didn’t foster a WIN OR DIE attitude on our team, and good sportsmanship was held above all. We didn’t razz the other team if we won, and if we lost, we’d do better next time. When all was said and done, however, I never played sports competitively after I turned thirteen.

• Nature – This is something that I did learn to love with him, and I cherished our nature hikes at various parks around Bucks County and on vacations. I may not remember if we caught anything on one fishing trip or another, but I still remember seeing my first wild bald eagle, and an alligator, during one of our fishing trips in Florida. I remember seeing a moose, a coyote, and a pika during a trip to Montana. I learned how to identify hawks and eagles and ducks and other birds and wildlife, and I think of him every time I see a deer or a bird of prey, or wave to the bald eagle(s) I see on the way to work in the morning.

I was glad to see him happy whenever we did these things. I’m glad to see (via Facebook connections) that others’ lives were touched by his presence and encouragement either at fishing or softball or nature.

But that’s not to say we didn’t bond! My happiest memories with Dad didn’t involve going anywhere but the couch in the den, where we journeyed to new worlds together. Doctor Who, Star Trek, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, The A-Team, Friday the 13th: the Series…these are the “places” that make me think of Dad. We watched 1776 every Fourth of July. He took me to my first Star Trek convention, and several more around the Philly and southeast PA area.

We bonded through fandom.

He would tell me about new shows that I think I’d like all the time, and a good 90% of the time he’d be right. When I was going through my Dad’s stuff after his death, I saw that he still had a copy of an X-Files fanzine where one of my fics was published.

So I may never take someone fishing or to a ball game, or on a nature hike (but I’ll point out every hawk I see whenever we’re out together). But if I want to show them a movie or a TV show? It’s like Steve taking Danny on a six-mile hike to show him petroglyphs and a gorgeous view.

Places don’t always have to be places.

I received some unexpected and delightful gifts from my new friends, both handmade and purchased. I have a homemade candle, a metal stein engraved with my D&D character’s name, a gorgeous print that praises creative minds, all of which will enjoy pride of place within my apartment as the holidays settle down.

In addition to my local friends above, I also have wonderful friends and family who encourage my passion for fandom 🙂

From Sara and Jeff – the complete Friday the 13th: the Series DVDs! This plus my 21 Jump Street DVDs means THE 80s CHEESE IS ALL MINE.

From my Aunt (who always picks something fun off my Amazon wish list), a Star Trek messenger bag in Science blue!

From my friend Londa, the trade of the X-Files/30 Days of Night crossover comics! I read the first issue and was ENTHRALLED, but I lost track of when each issue would come out. With X-Files coming back in 2016, I needed to read it all the way through.

From my friend Heather, a set of Teen Wolf mugs featuring art by Yiji (yijitumbles on Tumblr), author/artist of Seed Wolf over on Ao3.

I also received H50 season one blu-rays from my friend Kyle, the Hamilton and Lafayette biographies from Mom, and some great Kindle books from my extended family.

I may have spent Christmas Day by myself, but I didn’t feel alone. I got to see Star Wars with Ricechex on Christmas Eve, chatted with friends and watched movies with them over the internet into Christmas Day, and enjoyed my stay-in-pajamas/breakfast for lunch while watching various marathons here on Boxing Day.

Sending good thoughts to all of my friends during the holiday season, and to the few that are facing some scary situations, I’m sending all of my peaceful/healing energy across the miles.

Take care, everyone.

So this was my first full year in Virginia Beach – LOTS of things went on!

Continue reading →

Okay, folks – I need your help.  It’s just mid-October and I need to commit to an idea for NaNo from which I can squeeze 50,000 words.  I have two ideas in mind – both fanfic, both challenging, and both exciting.

NUMBER ONE – Sherlock/Torchwood Crossover

Yes, this is the same idea from last year, inspired by this amazing fanart (if anyone knows who did this one, please let me know!) – John Watson worked for Torchwood before he met Sherlock, but quit after a huge falling out with Jack (his leaving left Jack on a search for doctor, and that’s when he found Owen). He might have been Retconned, but he still remembered enough to find another purpose chasing danger behind a man in a long coat and a gorgeous ass.

NUMBER TWO – Hawaii Five-0 – Steve the Dog

Yes, Steve the dog. Based on this AU posted on Tumblr: “i got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and ended up getting adopted by someone who is really hot OH NO” AU.

Steve McGarrett is cursed into the form of a dog (with his human intelligence, though influenced heavily by canine instincts), is caught by Animal Control and adopted by Danny and Grace. Hijinks ensue.

Steve the dog will look like this, because I can’t get enough of this furry face:

So. I can’t decide.

I have notes for both ideas. Steve the Dog has some unanswered questions that I need answers to before I begin, but I have brainstorming e-mails sent to friends who love the show and know canon enough to help. Torchwood John is outlined in bits and bobs with most questions answered.

Torchwood John has been percolating for years. Steve the Dog grabbed me the second the AU prompts were posted and the canon is fresh and shiny in my brain. Both stories have military elements that I’m prepared to be wrong about but would like to get sort of right (John in the British military, Steve the SEAL).

So please help! Ask me questions, tell me which idea you like better, anything to bring a fresh perspective to both ideas and help me decide.

This week/weekend I learned the different ways my body stores stress and tension.

When I’m in a situation where I’ve been stressed due to outside situations and I feel powerless to change them, my body responds to that stress with gastric reflux. Dry heaves, every day, that disappear immediately when the stressful situation is resolved. Examples:

• Abusive boss – dry heaves stopped the day she announced her resignation.
• Dealing with mine and Dad’s and Mom’s emotions during the decline of Dad’s health – dry heaves stopped the day that Dad stopped all medications except for palliative care.

Apparently, in situations where I’m abusing myself by holding back what is likely a cathartic emotional response, my body responds to that stress with jaw pain (not referred pain – no sign of heart attack). I had it for a solid week, and actually needed ibuprofen and was considering seeing a doctor for the issue.

Then a friend of mine told me that sometimes her stress “collects” in her jaw, and asked if I’d been dealing with any stress lately…and I had. More than I expected, and the resulting examination of said stress led to a spate of tears and pillow hugging until I felt I’d purged the majority of it. Now my jaw pain is all but gone. A little stiffness in the morning, but gone within minutes.

Huh. Well, at least I know some of my warning signs? The jaw pain is new, but so is the idea that releasing those pent-up emotions will at least make me feel better, even if they don’t change anything.

Most of my bloggish thoughts are on LiveJournal, but I may migrate over here eventually.  I mostly created this to be able to comment on other blogs 🙂